Friday, March 27, 2009

Some Things Can Still Scare the Piss Out of You..

Yeah, yeah, I know. I suck. I haven't posted in a bit. I've been toying with what to post next. First, I was thinking Rainbow Brite episodes, but I'm just lazy.

Then I was thinking other movies, but again, lazy.

So I'm just going to babble again, and you'll just have to deal with it! Or, you know, close the window. Whatever.

Today, I want to talk about being afraid. Now, I'm not talking about end of the world, zombie apocolypse fear.

I'm talking child fear. Child fear that may still apply today. When you're little, things can be pretty goddamn scary. That slightly open closet can hold a helluva lot of monsters.

But me? I was special.

1. E.T.

Fucking E.T. Stupid turd-shaped monster of DOOM. As you all know, I'm a child of the 80's (1983 to be exact), and E.T. came out in 1982 in the theatre. Now, I think I was about.... 3.. when the VHS came out. My parents were ape for this; apparently we pre-ordered the tape from Major Video, and they had a choice of whether or not to get a plush E.T. with it. They opted not to.

Good choice.

We had a huge console television. I'm not certain they make those anymore, but for those of you that have no idea what they are, look here. This is pretty much EXACTLY what it looked like. Now, it had STEREO sound!!! So, we all popped in the tape to watch the grand children's movie, E.T., as loud as possible, to get the movie theatre effect.

And then E.T. screamed. And I lost my shit.

I remember FLIPPING out when E.T. screamed. Like, seriously having a spastic fit of grand proportions. I dont' remember much else of it, though it was probably just my parents turning off the movie or something. After that, the next time I saw E.T., I was 13. And it still creeped me out.

I was even afraid of the Amblin Logo. Because, well.. it was E.T. and he was damn scary.

2. Gremlins

I don't have an epic story to go with this one, unfortunately. I don't remember having a headfit watching this movie, but I always just remember being afraid of the gremlins. Even Gizmo! I never had a Gizmo doll, or anything close (though when I was older I did get Furbies, of course, because who didn't?), except for a book on record (HEAR the story, SEE the.. whatever.) I think it was mostly the little logo that really did it for me though. See it there? At the bottom? A little gremlin coming out of a box? Forget it, I didn't want that shit.

3. The end of movies.

I'm not talking like, the endings or whatever. I mean the physical end of the actual tape. I don't know why. Maybe it was the snow at the end, or the FBI Warning!!!.. or maybe the logos scared the crap out of me. But when I was little, I was convinced something was going to get me if I watched the credits. (I think maybe Gremlins had laughing evils at the end, which could have done it). Even now I get a little antsy if I stay during the credits..

4. Movie Logos

Over at Nostalgia Junkie, there was a whole post about scary logos and theme songs and stuff. The one that really frightened me was the F.H.E logo (with its synthesizer of EVIL), the United Artists one, and Thames (usually found on Danger Mouse or Count Duckula). Thames was enough to make me want to run out of the room. Oh, and of course, the Amblin Logo, cuz it was E.T.

There was also a few different movies that had freaky music that scared the pee out of me. Poltergeist's theme, the ending music of E.T (where you see the rainbow... I guess I just really have a problem with that movie all together haha), and the part where the arm comes up in Carrie and grabs Sue. The music just sticks with me and freaks me out..

What scares me now? Japanese Horror movies (The Ring, The Grudge.. that stupid fucking noise that that stupid grudge creature makes..), and The Exorcist. I can only watch that movie like.... once every few years. I can't look at any pictures of Linda Blair in that makeup (and I've met her twice!).. I just.. no. Can't do it. Freaks me out. I'm freaked out just thinking about it.

Oddly enough though? I've fallen asleep to both Carrie AND Hellraiser. By choice. And there were numerous times where I've passed out during a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon.

But I never claimed to be normal.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Once You Watch This Movie, You'll Die..

So I had an idea of writing a blog post all about 80's cartoons, as I fell asleep today watching Rainbow Brite ("Horse of a Different Color" for those of you that want to know which one!).. But I found something more amusing for today!


I was searching through Netflix for horror movies, and after dropping Poultrygeist onto my queue (don't ask), I found a listing for something called "Cheezy Horror Movie Trailers, Vol.1".

My first thought: There's more than one volume?

My second thought: I CAN WATCH THIS INSTANTLY!

It's only an hour long, but it's kind of amusing. Unfortunately 3 of the trailers are repeated, and a couple of actual classic horror movies are listed here. (Friday the 13th, House on Haunted Hill, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane..) But otherwise, oh goodness.

This is one of them: The Sinful Dwarf.

I'm not going to kill your computers by embedding a whole video on this blog, and also, I'm not quite sure how to do it here. (Oops.) The gist I got out of it was that this midget (who looks like a shrunken Dan Goodman, according to a friend of mine) lives with his mom, and his mom goes out and kidnaps girls for him to violate.

Now if that ain't a horror classic... thank god!

Next up is: The Equinox.

Now I'm not even sure what the hell this movie's about, but the trailer had me almost on the floor laughing. I mean, TERRIBLE. You see a skeleton and then OH MY GOD OLD MAN! It's like in the middle of the filming, the director's grandfather pops up to be like "what are you up to, sonny?". Grandpa, get out of the frame! You're ruining the film--- eh whatever, stay there. You're kind of weird looking.. Oh and the 'scary' sudden horse too..

One that wasn't on the dvd that I know is a classic amongst bad horror is Manos: The Hands of Fate. Unfortunately I can't find a trailer anywhere on YouTube for this, but there's tons of REMAKE info. A bunch of fan made stuff. You can also watch pieces of this godforsaken movie there, but I don't recommend it unless it's part of MST3K. Otherwise you may gouge your own eyes out.

Well there you have it, just a few of the 800 different really bad movies that are out there. I realize that I only put 3 down, and they're all from the 60s or 70s, but think about it this way: If I sat here and put out all the cheesy trailers, we'd be here forever!

Back then, there was no such thing as straight to video. People actually went and paid to see this stuff in the theatre. And sometimes, we still go and pay for crappy movies -coughWhiteNoisecough-.

I promise I'm not all horror movies and stuff. 80s Cartoons ARE on the way. Whenever I get off my butt. If you really want to get me off my butt, buy me a copy of The Magic of Herself the Elf.

Then I'll worship you and write a blogpost all about the awesomeness of you. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Mark it Up.

So I don't know if anyone other than the few friends I've linked this to are reading, but here's a good question:

Who do YOU think would make a good Freddy Krueger?

Now we all know that New Line/Platinum Dunes (I think they've got a hand in it) is making a "reimagining" of our favorite horror movie. It's going to be comparable to what Rob Zombie did to Halloween.

I haven't seen the new Halloween, so I have no comment on it. But I heard it was pretty good. And hey, I actually liked the new Friday the 13th better than the originals. The original first one made me laugh. This one was actually cringeworthy, in an OMG JASON'S BEHIND YOU kind of way. (and in a "please stop texting on your phone kid in front of me" way. Dude, why do you pay 10 dollars to see a movie when you're going to TEXT the entire time? You can do that at home for free. Yes, I am an old geezer. Get off my lawn kids.)

So I did a little scouring around the internet to see what some people think. I've heard such people as Cillian Murphy, James Marsters (Spike as Freddy? Weird. But he's playing Piccolo in Dragonball..), Ben Foster (whaaat) and Jackie Earle Haley, who is actually talking about it.

And someone said Anthony Stewart Head, but I don't know if I could deal there. Giles can go from librarian to killer repo man. Not from librarian to child molester/killer.

I personally think Jackie Earle Haley could do it, just on looks alone. He's got a pretty dark, menacing look to him. Though his eyes are pretty gorgeous. (I have a thing for blue eyes.)

So, I open the floor to you, the 2 people that read this. What do YOU think?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Sucks You Blood.

So okay, I love vampires. Vampires vampires. Yum.

And no. It's not because of Twilight.

Or Interview with the Vampire.

Actually, I have The Vampire Diaries to thank for it. See, when I was younger, the young adult section mainly consisted of about 4 shelves in the little Waldenbooks that existed in the mall that was considered "cool" back then. (It's since become a shell of a mall with a Target attached and some outside stores. Needless to say, the indoor part of the mall is half one of those "college" training facilities where you can pay 13,000 dollars to be a pharmacy tech, and the other half is empty enough for old people to sprint around)

The main young adult writers then were RL Stine and Christopher Pike. I was HOOKED on RL Stine. I spent my allowance every week (5 dollars, and the books, with tax, were 4.27. I only remember this because that's my birthday haha) on a new book, then devoured it 2 hours later.

It probably would have been cheaper for me to go to the library, but I had a habit of forgetting I had the books, thus creating library fines that cost far more than that book itself.

One day, I noticed a new series called The Vampire Diaries. It was about a girl named Elena who falls in love with a vampire named Stefan. Remember, this was 1993, and this idea was new. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was only a movie, and I didn't see it until after reading this series. (I watched the movie endlessly, by the way, and shunned the series until falling in love with Seth Green)

Needless to say, I was hooked. I scoured 3 more bookstores for the next one (which I found for 1.99!), and then the next one. A fourth one came out while I was reading the third, completing the series.

L.J. Smith and her series (I read most of them: Dark Visions, Secret Circle, Night World) were mostly unknown to everyone else but myself and my close friend Catelyn at the time. And she only knew it because I lent her my books.

It took almost 5 more years before I found another person as into the series as I did, but by then the books were largely out of print. You can imagine my shock when Twilight came out, a book I didn't read for a year before finally picking it up (which was still a year before the hoopla on it began), and how it reminded me of this long lost series.

And now? It's back. Thanks to Twilight (yes, I am thanking Twilight), LJ Smith's books were reprinted, and she's put out a fifth, which I am in the process of reading.

Oh but it gets better, my friends.

Twilight was rushed into being created as a haphazard, kind of okay movie that I only saw on a school day matinee so I could avoid the fan girls. (Though I have no problem going to midnight showings of Harry Potter. Go figure. Maybe because Harry Potter fans won't go up to Daniel Radcliffe and ask him to bite them. And also? Edward was Cedric first. Hah.)

And now? The Vampire Diaries is being turned into a tv pilot by the CW. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm happy, certainly, because hopefully it will make people read the books. But at the same time, I'm terrified. Gossip Girl was torn apart from the start, turning into something I don't even recognize from the books itself, and already they're talking about casting a character in Vampire Diaries that didn't exist in the books.

I guess we'll see what happens, right? And you know I'll keep you posted.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Repossession I deliver

So there is... way too much snow outside. (They said we were going to get 9-14? I'm not going out there with a ruler).

That said, I've been getting my wording confused. When I say reviews, I mean articles. Sort of similar to this:

Yes, you'll notice I link to Matt's X-Entertainment stuff a lot. Mainly because he's awesome and the reason I got the idea to start the blog in the first place.

So today I'm going to do what I promised: I'm going to post a REVIEW of Repo! The Genetic Opera. You will get a full fledged article when my brain isn't all over the place. (And when I learn how to make pretty pictures out of what I'm watching. This is a new computer after all)

Repo! The Genetic Opera was a little known musical written and composed by Darren Smith and Terrence Zdunich. It takes place in a post-apocolyptic world of ours. Well, that's probably a good thing considering what's going on in it.

Basically the premise is this: Organ failure is running rampant these days, and people just... apparently want surgery on other organs too! But, how to pay for this? Never fear! Geneco is here! They will help finance you so you can get that pretty new spleen, liver, spine, or whatever it is you're needing.

But it comes with a price.

If you can't pay, GeneCo, like most businesses, will send out a Repo Man to collect what belongs to them. And, well, it's not pleasant to have your financed heart ripped from your chest.

The movie focuses on the man that does these reposessions, Nathan Wallace. This man is the reason I wanted to see this movie. It's Anthony Stewart Head, guys! Who wouldn't want to see Giles be all badass and rip out lungs?! He had the potential for it!

Sarah Brightman was also in this, and as usual, she's oddly gorgeous and has the prettiest voice ever. But honestly, I have to tell you, this movie made me like Paris Hilton.

Yep, you heard me right. Paris Hilton.

Nevermind the fact that she had the script to the movie smuggled into her when she was in jail, or the fact that she auditioned even though they didn't want her anywhere near the movie, she does a GOOD job. I love her character, Amber Sweet, the head of GeneCo's daughter who's addicted to the knife.

And she wants to be in a sequel, if they make one.

Also made of awesome was the Graverobber, played by Terrence Zdunich. My dad compared him to Jack Skellington, and I can't say I don't agree, when I can see where he's coming from. Graverobber is the narrator, and he's kind of hot in a not hot way. He's also the one that gives everyone what they want: a drug called Zydrate.

Now this is turning more into an article than a review, so I'll try to trim. I liked the movie, then came back and loved the movie. It stays with you. The more you think about it, the more you like it.

Which is more than I can say for some movies, where the more you think about it, the more you hate it.

It's produced by the guys who did Saw, but that's not a reason to see it. That's like those people that went to see Sweeney Todd because it was gory. It's a musical, guys. Guys? They all sing.

And in this one, that's ALL they do. It IS an opera after all.

You can buy it at Target for like 14.99, and I do say it's worth the money.

Now, after that, I need food, Diet Coke, and to find a way to tunnel out of this damned snow.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Like Marty McFly, I am apparently a slacker.

Yes, I promised a review last night. But I got home around midnight and was super tired, so.. no review. I suck.

BUT, I'm getting ready to put Repo in right now, so hopefully between tonight and tomorrow, you'll get what I promised. After all, it's not like I'm going anywhere. Outside is a winter..uh..March..uh.. wonderland of.. snow.